


Crazy Son Of A Bitch

by Anonymous



Category: Original Work
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Flirting, Other, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25510225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: My OC, Minerva is a young agent at a company trying to blackmail the corrupted side of the government. However, he doesn't really understand any of that. His job is to go to this meeting and not let any information slip.(One Shot)
Collections: A Nod to the Original Characters, One Shots (-15000)





	Crazy Son Of A Bitch

I started to laugh, like legit laughing. My eyes started to water and my stomach started to hurt from how hard my stomach was contracting. It was silent now, all I could hear was my own sadistic laughter. But how could I not laugh? She just threatened to kill me. Just as I started to slightly regain my composure I started thinking about it again. Breaking out in loud breathy laughter.”Kill me ?” I ask calmly from across the table. “You’re threatening to kill me?” a small giggle escapes at the edge of my sentences. I lay my head back against the wood, letting my thoughts swim in her words. 

Kill

God, that would be great. I’ve been waiting to piss off someone decent to kill me and she seems perfect. I slowly pull my head off the board, I look into her eyes (or what I can assume are her eyes though her dark glasses) “ I don’t give a fuck if you kill me” I say, my own tone surprising me. It’s rare that I sound this serious but I need her to know that this time, I’m not joking. She does nothing in reaction to my statement. I sit there waiting, in all honesty, I don’t know what you’re supposed to do at these types of meetings. Threaten each other until one backs out ?. Suddenly she snaps her fingers, and the two bodyguards on either side of me had a gun to each side of my head. Apparently my big statement was too overdone because she thinks I’m bluffing. “ HA” she screeches out “Look at that, Mr.Suicidal here alls bluff” she starts to laugh. However, with her laugh l can tell she was faking her laughter. I guess I jumped when the guns were pointed at me. But I mean it's cold metal who wouldn’t jump in this situation? God this woman is straight out of a 1980’s spy film. With the all pink clothing and rugrats hair, don’t forget the fake mechanic laughter. AND SHE HAS A POODLE. I don’t know how I forgot to mention this but she brought a freaking pink poodle. I’ve never been to an exchange like this, but I do know bringing a dog is overdoing it. She’s staring back at me, the corner of her mouth twitching upwards. I’m guessing she’s trying not to show how smug she feels right now. I slowly start to reach inside my jacket, slow enough to show her titan looking bodyguards (well not the female one she’s actually pretty cute… too bad she's trying to kill me) that I’m not trying to pose a threat. I slowly reach down to my jacket, once my hand is on the hilt of my gun I pull it out and shove the end of it straight up to my chin. There was a slight gasp from Ms.Poodle before she realized that I was pointing the gun at myself.

“C'mon,” I say smiling, “ Give a guy some credit. Any guy would jump with two cold pieces of metal being shoved in his face.” Seeing her mouth go slack satisfied literally every bone in my body. I didn’t even bother hiding my smug smile. I know damn well if these people push me enough I’ll blow my brains out just to prove a point. That’s not what mom would have wanted but you can’t please all of her dying wishes she left like 4 of em. “People like you really piss me off, you know that?” my sentence falls into more laughter. The sound of pure unfiltered enjoyment not all forced and choppy like hers. She stares back at me (again I’m assuming) then snaps her hands again, signaling for thing 1 and 2 to back off. I keep the gun to my chin though. Just because it's fun to mess with these people. “You wanna know why you piss me off?” Before she can answer I cut her off “It's because you think taking a person's life away is the worst thing you can do to them. Trust me there are way worse things you can do to them” I say leaning my body across the table. Again my voice is all low and serious, “Anywho people like you are hard to come by in situations like this though”. Ms.Poodle picks up her dog and starts to aggressively pet it. “I’m sick of your stupid mind games, do you have the hard drive or not?” She speaks like she is a two-year-old demanding food. I actually didn't want to laugh at her, that's just mean. So instead a tiny “pfffffft” sound comes past my lips by accident. “Erm” (I try to clear my throat but it isn't really working) no I don't have the chip” she slams her hands to the table “WHAT? you don't have the chip then why did you sit here this entire time” she's yelling and frantically moving her hands which was actually pretty refreshing since she didn't show any emotion this entire time. I shrugged in response to her question. “Well...I guess I wanted to see if you're an actual threat, but you're not-” she cuts me off before I can finish. “Not a threat ?” she asked calmly as she pushed her glasses up her nose. “ I don't think you understand, I.will.kill.you''. She takes her glasses off at the end of her sentence. Her eyes are super big and extremely black which is actually super creepy. She seriously does not even need to wear those black sunglasses to look menacing. She's still looking at me and I'm forced to break eye contact and rest my head back against the wood behind me. There's that word again,

Kill

“What do you think this whole conversation has been about ?” I yell this time, quite annoyed at her. “WHAT DO YOU THINK WE” VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS WHOLE TIME'' I yell, waving my gun in front of my face and pressing it into my temple repeatedly. “Lady I don’t think you heard me the first time, “I don’t give a rats ass if I die or not '' I looked her straight in her eyes now. “Well let me make this clear for you, if you don't return my hard drive I’ll ruin you” how she could say this with a straight face I truly have no idea. “gah damn you piss me off” I mutter under my breath. “If I may intrude,” the pretty bodyguard says, “I think he's saying if you kill him because he doesn't return the hard drive he won't care,” she says in a way that makes me believe she was just trying to help her boss. But Ms.Poodle does nothing but stare daggers at her. “Thank you!” I say exasperated “see, now she gets it '' I put my hand up for a high five and all she does is look at it. I took my hand down after I realized she left me hanging but she did give me a small smile so I’ll take that as a win. Tramping all over my nice moment, Ms.poodle speaks up “I’ve had it up to here with your zany quirks tell me where the hard drive is” she places her glasses back on her face which actually relaxed me a little. “Good god you're just not getting it,” I say, shaking my head and smiling. I switched the safety off on my gun and checked to make sure I was aiming in a way that some of my blood would end up on Ms.Poodles’ face.”What are you doing?” I heard her say, and for once her voice was small. I ignored her question though she should be able to put it together. “Well ma sorry about this one, but I’d say I did pretty good. Pus this lady just doesn't know when to quit '' I say towards the ceiling. I really have no idea if she's watching me like I think she is but I know she wouldn't accept that answer. “ Okay honestly I’m just a little bit tired and no one else seems to want to make my death worthwhile” I looked down at Ms.poodle. “ I hope my blood gets all over you,” I say with a smile. 

And then I pulled the trigger.

I think I heard people telling me to stop but my finger was already in motion. I took a big breath in and 

BANG

The sound goes off and… I’m still alive. I'm still alive…. I'm still alive?   
I open my eyes to the realization and once I do I start laughing like a crazy man again. “Well would you look at that, it was a blank,” I say. The bodyguards and Ms.Poodle are still looking at me. “Welp,” I say, edging myself out of the table. “That's all from me folks, I have no idea where the hard drive is. In fact, my job was just to distract you with the negotiation for 20 minutes, to find the hard drive. Ha, I guess things got out of hand. Good thing I didn't die right?” I laugh a little but nobody laughs at my joke. I can tell she hasn't really processed what I said so I need to quickly leave. “Toodaloo” I quickly add before sprinting for dear life out of the building. 

To be completely honest I was 90% sure it was a blank this entire time. An empty gun versus a full one has a significant weight difference. There was a chance that there was maybe one bullet in there, but I just decided to take the risk. Plus what do I look like dying for some weak child like her? 

One day I’m going to find the perfect son of a bitch to take me out.

THE END

Authors Note:  
Thank you for reading. I know reading narratives with original characters without a backstory can be boring/confusing. However, I really wanted to play with the characterization of characters. I hope you enjoyed it!

Roro

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I wrote this at 1 in the morning, I wasn't really sure where I going with it. But PLEASE leave comments on what you thought. (Constructive criticism is more than welcome). This my first time writing so I hope you enjoyed it!


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